Fear in Playfulness

My hands were shaking slightly as I failed to hold my breath; even knowing that if they heard me, because they have incredible hearing, they would find me. Only the worst could happen if that were the case. I didn’t know what the worst was, but it was bad. However, I smiled still. My face red and hot, my heart visibly pounding out of my chest as if I were a cartoon character. I wasn’t smiling out of nervousness, but of joy and thrill. Then I heard it. The subtle and quick ‘whoosh’ that sped by at 25 mph less than 20 yards away from me. Undetected, another success!

“That was a close one!” I heard my neighbor shout. We all started emerging from our hiding places relieved but prepared for the next attack. Always ready. “AHHHHH!” All of us scattered to safety. I dove back to my hiding place, the bush wedged between the fence and the basketball hoop. It was perfect, coverage from all angles.

Tricky creatures they are! The moment you think you’re safe another one can emerge from any direction. The adults called them cars, but we all knew their true identify. Aliens. We were not to be fooled. The aliens have never caught me nor any of the neighborhood gang and we didn’t intend to ever let them.

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            I’ve always thought of myself to be somewhat playful and optimistic. I try my best to see the light in situations because if something is going bad anyway why make yourself more miserable? Take it as an opportunity to learn something or make a joke. It’s not always easy, in fact usually it isn’t, but I’ve also always appreciated a challenge.

This year at Burning Man I decided to challenge myself and go out of my comfort zone. I wanted to learn something new, take another step forward to make the best version of myself as possible.

I find it amazing, yet it makes sense, how people can come into your life when you’re searching for something. I met some people

I found myself at a kakao ceremony where we drank warm kakao, made silent eye contact with strangers, and danced. The eye contact was extremely powerful for me. You can see the vulnerabilities, emotions, and pain in someone’s eyes if you just let go and pay attention.

You can also see their gifts they want to share with the world: their smile, personality, outlook of life, goofiness, anything. My favorite thing to discover was the playfulness of a person. To me it seemed magical. You see their joy, how they let go, the means of how they inadvertently put a smile on someone else’s face by simply being themselves. It’s difficult to reach this sheer playfulness as an adult because it’s challenged by responsibilities and suffering. The playfulness is hindered, but never defeated. Indirectly, the playfulness you see deep in a person’s eyes show their strength and persistence. The fact that it surfaces so readily in uninterrupted, meaningfully eye contact shows so much. It let’s us push past our fears of expressing our colors, shining our light, and allowing a stranger to see through us; all of us, in our complete and true form. This was all learned on a Monday…

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I don’t know when the cars stopped being aliens, but I know our fears of playfulness have changed. I used to fear the aliens spotting me, now it’s different. Now we fear judgement, crossing lines, saying the wrong thing, upholding a reputation. Even if we don’t care what people think we do struggle to let go entirely.

So today’s dare is to be as weird as you can. Not to impress anyone, but to set your inner playfulness free. Whether it’s a weird voice, a crazy dance, anything! Break out into the big smile you deserve to have cross your face and notice how you may make others around you feel more comfortable and open up.

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